Bang Bang Bangkok: My Love Affair with Krung Thep Maha Nakhon
In the faraway Kingdom of Thailand, sits the magical, mysterious enigma known by locals as Krung Thep Maha Nakhon. Historically known as Siam, Bangkok is the largest and most populated city in Thailand, with a population of nearly 12 million. It is a sprawling and hypnotic place of many contrasts, there is unparalleled beauty and elegance, albeit alongside squalor and deprivation.
Beware these faux pas.
There are so many reasons to love Bangkok, but also a few cautionary things to bear in mind. First off, it is a KINGDOM and absolute respect for the royal family is demanded. Any language or action disrespectful to the royal family, is considered lese-mageste (a crime), and sure to be dealt with harshly by the Thai authorities. The same holds true for Buddha; disrespect will not be tolerated and in some cases, offenders are imprisoned. It is considered impolite to raise your voice and point at things. Touching people’s heads, including children, is offensive. The head is considered sacred and the cleanest part of the body. Dressing inappropriately and public displays of affection are frowned on. No short shorts or revealing clothes, (although you will see plenty of both in the famous red-light districts of Patpong or Nana Plaza). While the crime rate is quite low in Thailand, beware bar scams and pickpockets while in Bangkok.
Stay cool.
A big adjustment that one must make is adapting to the climate. It is hot. Very, very, hot. Everyday and every night. I would recommend you visit in the winter months, November through March. April is the hottest month and should be avoided. Just to stay cool on the warmest days, visit one of the many enormous and opulent retail emporiums, walk endlessly over acres of cool, gleaming white marble, with air conditioning set to deep freeze. To extend your cool comfort, end the day with a movie in one of the gorgeous and very well-chilled movie palaces. Movie theatres in Bangkok are extraordinary, offering a state-of-the-art cinema experience with first-run movies in English. Luxurious touches include reclining sofas, butler service, luxurious blankets, pillows, and refreshments. My favorites are the super-swanky cinemas at Embassy, EmQuartier or Paragon shopping malls. These vast malls provide excellent options for dining, shopping, and entertainment venues, when it is simply too hot to be outdoors.
Little English is spoken.
Be advised that English is less frequently spoken than in any other Asian country, primarily because Thailand was never colonized like every other country across Asia. Western language was never forced on them by outside influences and Thailand has always been self-ruled and insular. You will encounter some English-speaking Thais in Bangkok, but it is random, and you will find it challenging to converse with most locals. However, the Thai people are extremely friendly and good-natured and will do their best to communicate with you. However, I suggest you keep Google Translator at the ready and you will be glad you did.
Big bang for your buck, but Thai Baht can be confusing.
Converting U.S. dollars to Thai Baht can be confusing, so rely on Google for currency conversion for the most accurate result. You will be delighted with the favorable conversion rate; one American dollar converts to 35 Thai Baht.
To avoid small and sometimes difficult cash transactions, keep small 50 and 100 baht notes handy. Better yet, do as the locals do and load up your Rabbit Card, available at the airport or the 7-11 stores you’ll find on every corner. It will provide you with a reloadable, contactless smart card that can be used for transits, retail, and the BTS Skytrain. The card costs 200 Baht, which includes a one-time 100 Baht issuing fee and 100 Baht initial stored value.
Incredible cuisine at exceptional value.
You will find excellent value in dining out, as most locals do, with a delicious mid-range meal for two costing between 800-1200 Baht, or about $35.00. Krua Apsorn is a typical local restaurant favored by the Royal family where the savory food has been awarded a Michelin star. Bear in mind, Thai cuisine can be very spicy and often loaded with hot peppers. If that’s not something you enjoy, be sure to tell the server NOT SPICY and they will serve you a milder version. Excellent crabmeat is widely available in Thailand and my two Krua Apsorn favorites are the famous crabmeat omelet and a delicious crab curry. You will be astounded at the quantity and quality of the crabmeat served. You will find abundant fine dining options, as well, with all the top hotels featuring sophisticated restaurants serving international cuisine. If you fancy superb Indian cuisine, another great choice is Rang Mahal in The Rembrandt Hotel. This elegant restaurant specializes in superb North Indian cuisine and a mesmerizing view from the 26th floor rooftop. If it’s street food you’re after, go to Yarowat Road in China town where you will find the best street vendor food in Bangkok. A substantial meal for two will cost you 200-300 Thai baht (6-9 USD).
Get around with excellent, safe and super-affordable car service.
Do not rent or drive a car anywhere in Thailand. According to The World Health Organization, Thailand has one of the worst auto accident records in the world. Locals drive very fast, and sometimes recklessly. I highly recommend GRAB, providing 5-star car service at very reasonable prices. The cars are always new and in good condition and the drivers are always polite and helpful with packages and luggage. Often, you will be delighted as a luxury SUV rolls up to meet you. A great option is to hire GRAB by the hour and have your cool car and polite driver waiting for you after touring The Grand Palace or Wat Pho temple. You’ll be glad you did. Be sure to visit Air Orchid, a vast orchid farm on the outskirts of the city, and return home with exotic blooms that last for weeks. Enjoy the captivating work of Thailand’s finest artists at the immense, modern Museum of Contemporary Art. I recommend traveling in cool GRAB comfort on these exhilarating explorations, with a ½ day excursion costing approximately 2,000 Thai baht (60 USD). Warning: avoid the ubiquitous but overpriced Tuk-Tuks. Drivers speak little English and you have a 50/50 chance of reaching your desired destination. Moreover, the hot bumpy ride is noisy and you will be breathing exhaust fumes while sitting in Bangkok’s infamous traffic jams.
Appropriate attire please.
Thai people can be very fashion-forward, so bring your “best vest” and high-heels for fine dining or posh hotel bars. Light, cool fabrics like cotton, linen or silk are favored and you must always bring a cozy pashmina or jacket when you encounter artic temperatures indoors. Beware, there is a dress-code when visiting temples and high-end restaurants. No tank tops or shorts for men; long pants are required. Ladies must dress modestly, with skirts covering the knees. Sandals and flip flops must be worn with socks, and all shoes must be removed before entering a temple. Thais do not wear their shoes at home, so be prepared to remove them or offend.
Desirable long-stay options.
As a long-stay expatriate living in Bangkok, you will appreciate the unbelievably low cost of living and excellent quality of life. After just one vacation, I returned and stayed for seven years! Whether your lifestyle is modest or extravagant, you will be amazed at how far your money goes. Only a few hundred dollars to spend on monthly rent? No worries, that will get you a simple, clean, comfortable one-bedroom low-rise apartment in or near Bangkok. I chose to spend $1,500 and lived elegantly in Silom Road district, high above the city in a 2 bedroom/2 bath, fully furnished, luxury building, with full amenities. Most luxury apartment buildings have private pools on the roof-top, where you can enjoy the warm breezes that swirl around the gleaming high-rises in every direction.
Enjoy the world’s best sunsets.
Be sure to find a rooftop at twilight and view the sprawling and chaotic landscape below from your perch high above the traffic’s roar. Watch spellbound as the colossal orange sun melts slowly into the steaming pink horizon and the Chao Phraya River snakes its way through an endless urban jungle, eventually finding its way into the Gulf of Thailand. Exotic birds sing their lovesick evening song as a million twinkling stars appear, illuminating the endless sky. This magical, mystical place is guaranteed to steal your heart.
